Uh oh - the baby just stood up

Jack Jax stood up for the first time last night.

I was lounging disconsolately on the bed trying unsuccessfully to balance a glass of pinot noir and two novels when Zara started shouting: "Look, look."

Sure enough the boy was standing up ramrod straight in his cot staring across the room and grinning.

Sensible parents of yesteryear would, no doubt, have got straight down to the business of lowering his cot, but as it took four hours and three near divorces to construct it we collectively thought: "Sod that for a game of soldiers."

Rather it was cue to whip out the camera for an improptu photo session and to disseminate the photos out on Facebook within seconds so as a wider audience could tell us how clever our kid was and puff up our egos. I can't tell you how important it is to go into Tuesday with an ego puffed up like a peacock on steroids. You may even get to Thursday without muttering to yourself in the elevator. Or in the case of my office, muttering to youself about the fact there isn't an elevator and you have to do stairs.

Talking of puffed up how unlucky are turkeys in the United States? Not content with a mass cull at Christmas, Americans feel obliged to devour them en masse a month earlier and come back again for the ones that got away. Turkeys are probably the only inhabitants of the US who are trying to escape to Mexico.

Anyhow. After Jaxs's improptu photo shoot, I was inundated with well wishers on Facebook and some of the women even took me aside at work today to tell me how gorgeous Jax is.

All well and good, but already at nine months I can see a worrying picture developing. My female colleages want a date in 18 years' time and all the female infants are already crawling all over his puffy diaper in daycare.

I can picture myself in 20 years time, old, embittered and hunched over watching grouchily as Jax brings a host of beautiful women to the shack.

And then I'll get all misty eyed and sad for my misspent youth. And I'll get to wondering why I only ever dated women with one eye, twitches, psychotic personality disorders or weighing over 280 pounds when I was his age.