Fifty Shades of Grey was Fifty Shades of Snooze

I can't say I was dragged kicking and screaming into the movie theater to see Fifty Shades of Grey on Valentine's Day but nor was I oozing enthusiasm - not that oozing anything is ever particularly pleasant.

Exactly one hour and five minutes into the movie it was going all fuzzy and indistinct. About five minutes later G nudged me to say I was snoring and the woman next to her was funding it funny. I said I was rather glad she was able to get a laugh out of the movie because generally speaking it was uninspiring stuff, although it left me wondering about new uses for my Kohls ties.

At least I went into the theater forewarned by reading reviews - all of them which said the movie was dire. I actually emerged into the chilly sunshine remarking that the movie was not as bad as I had imagined it would be. Even so it was up there with the average kind of fare you watch on Lifetime TV and made me want to go and find somewhere to watch Birdman or Boyhood.

For anyone who has been living under a rock for the last few years Fifty Shades of Grey is a series of novels written by the English author E.L James about two people who do various things with nipple clamps, toilet brushes and drain cleaner - I may be a bit off about that as I haven't read a single page - but you get the drift.

Sebastian Grey is one of those creepy sleazeballs who takes his first dates on a helicopter ride and gives them new Audis as love presents. To be honest I'd be fine with the Audi love present thing but guess I just need to be content with a used coffee table.

The coffee table comparison is quite apt because the Grey actor perfects the art of wooden in this film, although I had a bit more time for Anastasia Steele, notwithstanding her dumb soap opera name.

Fifty Shades of Grey made about $81 million in its first weekend. The bad news is the whole saga will be drawn out over three movies. I can't recall when kinky sex was last so boring. Maybe I'm just at that age..


  1. I read out loud an extract of 50 Shades of Grey from Amazon (not going to pay for that stuff) to Mrs C. It made us laugh uncontrollably. There is no cinema here, which in this instance is a good thing.

    1. hey mark yes but could be one instance where the film is better than book - or at least slightly less dire

  2. I had eagerly (of course) bought the trilogy, but wasn't able to make it even a couple of chapters into the second book. In fact a bunch of us started a book club where our first assignment was to write a titillating chapter of our own because we all declared after a glass of wine that we could write better.

    But, yes, I'm going to see the movie this Friday.

    In fact I've heard that the movie is miles ahead of the books simply because we don't have to be victim to the endless idiotic thoughts running through. And the endless biting of her lips. Or is that in there? Oh save us.

    You can blame it on the damn American suburbs you're no doubt so fond of. :)

    I'm teasing since I'm kinda assuming you hate the American suburb.

    1. oh well there are British ones as bad :) yes I have never read the book but heard it's appallingly written..

  3. I was surprised to see all the morning shows,the former news shows, but are now nothing more than Entertainment Tonight for the masses. All they do is sell -- goods, movies, TV shows etc. and boy did they go all out for FSG - and once it's out no coverage of the 'bad' reviews. Heaven forbide they report they've sold a bill of goods.
    Then again, maybe I'm just too old and too cynical.

  4. yes indeed the great sales and marketing machine Yolanda.


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