Hoping Florida Isn't Too Mickey Mouse

I am interrupting Guest Blogging Month with a public service announcement to the effect that I'm going away on vacation. It won't interrupt Guest Blogging Month much because I have almost run out of guest bloggers; I do have Patricia Lynne on the schedule for some time next week but other than that the rest of guest blogging month is looking like the inside of Kim Kardashian's s skull.

I'm not too concerned because I was starting to lose my identity with all these guest posts, while I'm over the moon with those of you who did chuck me something. So today I felt obliged to swerve across the highway to take this shot, almost bouncing off a cop car and breezily hoping Virginia's new primary law enforcement on texting thing doesn't apply to pictures.

Just in case I get thrown in the cells tomorrow I should point out that was a bit of a lie. Now I'm wondering if it's possible to tell a bit of a lie. Well I did take a picture.

Anyhow today was generally miserable. I had to attend sleep clinic to be told I had spent the whole of last Friday night being wired up under my PJs by a grunting male nurse who then watched me on a screen for six hours, only to find out my sleep machine was indeed set at the correct setting.

"Are you still feeling tired?" asked the doctor who was too thin and young for my liking and was wearing white sports socks under a business suit, always a sign of a congenital personality disorder.

"Uh uh," I muttered as he intruded on my dream that I had been made the next Pope and was going to hold a massive piss up at St. Peter's.

By the time I emerged after grudgingly paying a $35 co-pay for 5 minutes with Dr. Whitey Socks, I was alarmed to see it was still raining. I went to get my hair cut, only to be confronted with the perplexing question "Just a haircut?" by the hairdresser.

"Well um. I actually came here to purchase a couple of Red Siamese Fighting Fish because I thought it would be entertaining to see them fight in a Siamese fishy kind of way - like Thai kick boxers without feet - but maybe we should settle for a hair cut, as this is Super Cuts and all."

Oh and the point of this post. I'm going away on vacation but while I'd really like to say it's Costa Rica or Peru it's actually Orlando, which means I'll be surrounded by more Brits than I could find in your typical London street and they'll all be getting excited about sunshine and humidity and Mickey Bleeding Mouse.

But hey tickets for Disney are not quite $100 per person. I'm just thankful to the nice girl in the British press office who has sent me some free ones as I'll be writing about Disney in a British newspaper and not using the term "Mickey Bleeding Mouse" once.

But seriously folks there are some things I like about Florida. The colors are different down there and they have nice shells. My first glimpse of America didn't take place until I was over 30 and it was an Art Deco hotel on South Beach. Models were floating around on Rollerblades and beautiful old Cadillacs were parked outside in pastel colors.

The sad thing about Miami being my first glimpse of America is the rest has failed to match it. I just can't get excited about sleep clinics and rain drenched shopping malls.