I will endeavor. In the words of Margaret Thatcher who sadly died today: "I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
Margaret Thatcher was somewhat ruthless but effective. As an animal she would probably be a Great White Shark.
The only time I have ever seen Margaret Thatcher was in the House of Commons tea room. I saw a figure who looked vaguely familiar, albeit a shadow of the woman who had loomed large across the eighties. She was frail but when she caught my eye there was the same steeliness. The look a Great White gives you when you are trapped in a cage under the sea.
The Great White is among the largest of sharks. The largest individuals known to have approached or exceeded 6 m (20 ft) in length. They are associated with the waters off California, Mexico, South Africa and Australia as well as other places such as Japan and Chile.
According to a recent study, California great whites have migrated to an area between Baja California in Mexico and Hawaii known as the White Shark Café. You probably don't want to wind up here as you may open up the menu and find you are on it.
Although this big bad fish has a big bad rap, humans are not at the top of its menu. For example, research in the Mediterranean has shown there have been 31 confirmed attacks against humans in the last two centuries, most of which were non-fatal. Often sharks prefer a "test bite" to see how yummy we are - or not. Which makes me feel much better..
The Great White's scary reputation is in no small part due to Peter Benchley's best selling novel Jaws and Steven Spielberg's 1975 film of the same name that gave the great white shark the image of being a "man eater" in the public mind. In reality far more humans are killed by angry hamsters.
Who can forget the scene when they are out there alone with the mad Irish captain waiting for the mother of all sharks to attack.
Useless Fact About Great Whites
They'll eat just about anything that moves including fellow Great Whites. Cannibalism starts early. The unborn sharks participate in intrauterine cannibalism; stronger pups consume their weaker mates. According to reports a 3 m (9.8 ft) long great white shark was nearly bitten into two by a reportedly 6 m (20 ft) long great white shark in Stradbroke Island, near Brisbane in Australia.
What Not to Say to Great White
Want to be my womb mate.
Forget the goldfish bowl. You're going to need a bigger boat....
Hilarious post, as always!
ReplyDeleteI would love to see your statistics on angry hamsters eating humans!
Thanks Dee :) well I checked out the stat and couldn't find much out there. I think that's because there's a conspiracy and they want to hide the extent of the carnage
DeleteGreat whites will forever be accompanied by that music from Jaws. I agree, Thatcher was a GWS in the world of politics.
ReplyDeletefor sure Tim - that film was kind of mold breaking - can't believe it was 1975.
DeleteGreat line about angry hamsters. I'll never look at a hamster the same. Then again, I never wanted to get close to a hamster either.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
not like Richard Gere eh Robyn xo
DeleteI was wondering if you were going to write about Thatcher, but then I remembered you had the animal gig going. ;)
ReplyDeleteLove your comparison, by the way. Awesome. And spot on. (Of course, my only basis of knowledge about Thatcher is based on watching Meryl Street for two hours).
Honestly Jen if you lived through it like me it was kind of profound - feels like half of my adolescence has been removed.
DeleteFearsome creatures! The eyes have always spooked me...way more than the rows of teeth oddly enough. Of course the film added to my fear but it was already there beforehand. Never noticed Thatcher's eyes being sharklike, but have seen those eyes on a few people...beyond spooky when seen in a human.
ReplyDeleteyep Tracy - make me think of the Ralph Fiennes German prisoner camp guard in Schindler's List.
Delete"Intrauterine cannibalism." And I thought my maggot cheese post was gross.
ReplyDelete:P
well you know Elise the race to outgross you was well and truly on.
DeleteNice to see you managed to get in some words about maggie, a lot kinder than I read been reading online today!
ReplyDeleteI was kinda amazed Rowena because while I can't say I liked her or her ideas much there was a certain greatness about her.
DeleteHilarious and horrifyingly fascinating. I didn't know they ate each other. I knew they ate just about anything, but wow, cannibalism. I guess we both posted about terrifying animals today! :)
ReplyDeletefor real Christine and there are some baad animals out there.
DeleteWhat an apt comparison with Maggie although from what I've read the Great White is less dangerous than she was.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I have the words "gimlet eyes" in my head - might toddle off to see what it actually means before I use it!
hmm know what you mean Sue - may check myself :)
DeleteGreat job working in Margaret Thatcher into this post! Ha ha! I will always link sharks to that song from Jaws. There's no getting around it.
ReplyDeletethe sound track was pretty powerful eh Daisy
DeleteI always knew there was a reason my kids were not allowed to have hampsters for pets. I don't think I'll let them get a shark either though. Great post.
ReplyDeletelol Marcy and thanks - given the two a hampster may be a tad safer lol
DeleteGreat whites attacked surfers in Northern Cal a lot b/c they look like seals. And speaking of, seals have taken over Cape Cod and there were a lot of great white incidents last summer & minor attacks including in shallow water resulting in beach closures.
ReplyDeletewow didn't realize they were active off Cape Cod JoJo, would make me wary about swimming.
Deletegreat parody:
Deletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCHtdh1snzY
I cannot watch this without crying out in laughter!
www.wearinglemon.blogspot.com
OMG how funny is this Deb - thanks for dropping by
DeleteJaws. That film still makes me jump even though it seems pathetic next to the modern day technology seen in todays films. They are the most terrifying and yet awesome looking creatures. I think I'll stick to holidays in Italy.
ReplyDeleteooo Italy am jealous Juliette - mind you there are some predatory waiters over there...
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