Why Chrissie Hynde has the edge over Mariah Carey at Christmas

I tend to forget about the hideousness of Christmas music until it's this time of year again and it all comes flooding back like those memories of the first time I threw up with food poisoning.

Rather than racking my brains to think of jingles I'd rather not recall, MSN has compiled a handy list that was first put together by a company called Phones4u.

So thanks a bunch Phone4u for reminding me of the permi-tanned, white toothed duo that was Wham and Last Christmas, a song that I abhor but countless women have told me is the very romantic essence of Christmas.

Well we all know what happened to George; he recently drove his car into photographic shop, in anger at the demise of negatives, no doubt, and got caught fiddling with his greatest hits in the men's room.

But whatever happened to the other one? Andrew Whatshisname...

The list has also reminded me of the existence of Cliff Richard, a particuar favorite of my parents who would bang on about how he was 60 something but looked 20, innocently unaware of the existence of Botox. The Millennium Prayer was so riddled with religion, even Cliff's record company abandoned him and he had to record it independently.

Oh dear - did I really say "record company"?

Cliff is also guilty as charged with creating Miseltoe and Wine; a merry little number to choke on a turkey bone to.

MSN's list is fine as it goes. I really had forgotten that Mariah Carey and the Jackson 5 have Christmas songs to their names.

But there are a few songs here that are more classy in a way. For instance I have always liked Aled Jones' Walking in the Air and Slade's Merry Christmas Everybody is a Glam Rock classic of the '70s. Do They Know It's Christmas? served a good cause. Sir Bob Geldolf may have disparaged it recently but what else has he ever done that's worth repeating apart from I Don't Like Mondays?

My most hated Christmas song is from a few years earlier and it's called Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby, which apparently means Merry Christmas in Hawaiian. During my long days of festive retail hell this song was always droning on in the background, providing a jarring contrast between the syrupy kitchiness of the season and the vast industrial machine I was serving that was forcing me to work into the night for $7 an hour.

Retail hell apart there's so much that's wrong with this song that I don't know where to start. I doubt if the island people were even big into Christmas until humorless missionaries forced it down their throats and, let's face it, Christmas just isn't Christmas if old ladies aren't slipping around on the street and the rest of us aren't freezing our nuts off.

There are so many bad Christmas songs that finding the good one is about as rare as finding a quarter in a Christmas pudding or a brain cell in Wasilla.

My vote goes for Stop the Cavalry by one hit wonder Jona Lewie, Fairytale of New York by Kirstie MacColl and the Pogues, 2000 Miles by the Pretenders and Happy Xmas by John Lennon.

So in the gallery of Christmas classics Chrissie Hynde has the edge over Mariah, even if she has aged rather more unevenly.

Apparently Gary Glitter once recorded a Christmas song. Pause for tumble weed to blow past. We don't talk about Gary Glitter anymore.



  1. --
    As a matter of fact, for me, this post includes many interesting and educational facts. For some reason, in Russia, Cliff Richard wasn't at all popular. This photo of Mariah Carey arouses the Christmas spirit.

  2. Olga is funny! Mariah Carey is arousing.

    I was at the salon yesterday and my colorist said, "do you hear this song? who is this froggy guy"?

    She said that since the beginning of the holiday season, her salon has loops and loops of crazy-weird 'holiday' music. We could not figure out the froggy-guy.

    I am NOT in love with Christmas music. Unless I'm singing it in church on Christmas eve with a candle in my hand. Then I'm a puddle.

  3. You don't say Olga - he's not very macho, Russian-style

    Too funny Deborah - yeees she rather arouses the Christmas spirit, lol

  4. While I love celebrating Christmas, holidays or whatever people consider to be the politically correct thing to say, Christmas music gets on my last nerve. It is the same annoying crap played over and over again, in some instances from Thanksgiving until December 26th. All I can ever think is "please make it go away".


  5. Some Christmas music I absolutely love. However, very few of the ones I love are heard on the radio or piped into stores this time of year. It seems like the ones I don't like are the ones that are repeated over and over again.

  6. Yeah!

    BTW: Mele Kalikimaka (LOL) & Aloha from Hawaii

    Comfort Spiral



  7. I detest Christmas music (if I never hear "Santa Baby" again it will be entirely too soon).

    For me, Chrissie Hynde has the edge over Mariah Carey in everything, all year round, but 2,000 Miles was a total lapse of judgment in an otherwise stellar career. Chrissie's so badass, i can forgive her the holiday transgression. :-)


  8. Thanx Empress. I always cringe when I hear Christmas music around Nov 1. For sure Daisy, or maybe you get to hate them because they are played so often. lol Cloudia; are you a fan? Well I know what you mean in that it wasn't her best PM; but compared to most other Christmas crap?

  9. I love the rolling background and the sweetness in Chrissie's voice as she sings "2,000 Miles". In a similar way I like "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by the Proclaimers.
    Miles to go before I sleep. Great post.


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