Dirty joke Santa has the last laugh on Macy's
If you don't believe me go up to random five-year-old in the nearest shopping mall and tell him or her, you don't believe in God. Then tell the kid Santa doesn't exist.
We all know which statement's most likely to end up with a hangbag belonging to the child's mother embedded in your forehead.
I don't fall for the myth that fat men with white beards are all jolly and avulcular. The only guy I can think of who looked like Santa was Ernest Hemingway who blew out his brains with his favorite shotgun.
In saying that I had to feel for 68-year-old John Toomey, who worked as Santa for 20 years at Macy's in downtown San Francisco.
Toomey was fired this weekend after a couple complained about his rude joke.
When I first heard this story I thought he might have been telling the joke about the panda addicted to one night stands; you know the one; he eats shoots and leaves.
In fact Santa's rude joke went thus.
“When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they’ve been good and they say, ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘Gee, that’s too bad,’ ” Toomey told the San Francisco Chronicle.
He added: “Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it’s because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live.”
Pause to absorb the shock...
We don't know the identity of the complaining couple but we can image what Mr. and Mrs. Complainter are like; so anal that they probably spend half their life half way up their large intestine without realizing it, I imagine.
And what exactly does this say about the grinches who stole Christmas at Macy's?
Macy’s did not return requests for comment, surprise, surprise.
I'd like to think a sense of humor failure of this magnitude would not occur in Britain where we pride ourselves on the ability to laugh at ourselves. But maybe it would.
At least this story had a happy and festive ending. Toomey was offered dozens of new jobs after his dismissal became public. He has now accepted a job as Santa for a local pub, Lefty O’Doul’s, to help with its annual fire department toy drive.
He's getting twice as much as what Macy's paid and he can eat and drink as much as he wants, although I imagine the panda joke or getting so legless he throws up on small children is off limits.