Thursday, April 10, 2014

Why You Are Totally and Utterly Mad

It occurs to me that you are totally mad. You know who I am talking about you. Loopy. Bonkers. Three bricks short of a load and the load was unstable to begin with. Don't get me wrong; I am not mocking mental illness, even if I am the only person I have met in this country who doesn't resort to a rattling bottle full of pills. Rather I have come to the conclusion, more through passing observation than an empirical study, that most of us are a bit off keel.


No, not that kind of madness - one step beyond

I have some examples.


1 He stands in my room and I see him shudder inwardly at the sight of my in-box. I know it has affected his equilibrium for the rest of the day.


2 She Tweets until 2 a.m. about the virtues of skinless cats. She complains about being tired the next day and bemoans the way her enthusiasm for the skinless cat is waning.


3 She talks to her feet on the sidewalk. When she sees I have noticed, she quickly pulls out her phone and pretends she was in a conversation with a party other than her toes.


4 She texts me and leaves voicemails in the night asking the price of my rental house, two days after I told her it was $999. She tells me she wants to strike a deal because she can't afford $30,000 a month and her grandmother has gout.


5 She writes on her blog that she won't be on her blog for a couple of days oblivious to the fact none of us are the sun and if we go out the whole world will die. Nope we are Pluto, lost, lonely, cold and insignificant out there fighting to be even recognized as a planet. But didn't we used to be planets? Just give me a week again as a planet damn it.


I can't chide people for being mad. There are seriously days when I look in the mirror and the lights are on but nobody as at home. Apart from the mice that have built a nice little home in my mind - thank you very much.




When in doubt blame Lana Del Rey. Gosh she is fantastic - when will I kick my obsession?


16 comments:

  1. I love Madness!!!!!! I have that album, One step beyond.

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    1. there you go JoJo - not a lot of Americans can say that

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  2. I agree, David. I'm surrounded by nutters, including myself although not many of them are popping pills (to my knowledge).

    I suppose the definition of 'normal' must be a capacity to keep a hold on one's nuttiness in the presence of others.

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    1. yes indeed Sarah - it is an art form for real

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  3. "even if I am the only person I have met in this country who doesn't resort to a rattling bottle full of pills." - I laughed out loud at that. Good work. Is this the A-Z Challenge? Are you doing it by letter? Best to you, David.

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    1. Thanks Scribbler actually it's not as I am not doing it

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  4. Yep. Raving bonkers lives and breathes all around. I was only telling that to my feet the other day.

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    1. being mad depends whether you talk to the left one or the right one first Juliette

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  5. I could hardly read the post because I was too busy singing "Our House" in my head. I'll probably go mad now for the rest of the day because I won't be able to stop.

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  6. What's that saying..."The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well".

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    1. for real Mark - normality is warped anyhow

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  7. It's good to know I'm in good company!

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  8. Life would be exceedingly dull if we all weren't a little off. BTW, the ad on your blog - "Do you have these symptoms? Coated tongue, mouth ulcers, bloating, toe fungus..." is a little scary. I don't want to know what would cause all of those symptoms at once.

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    1. OMG I have seen that ad Li, although not on my blog as it changes - scares the hell out of me

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