It's exactly the short of commentary I would provide, although funnier. In my time in the U.S. I have stubbornly refused to get excited about funny football played by men in motorcycle helmets and '80s style shoulder pads. I watched one Super Bowl and gave up because it was too long and it wasn't that one where Janet Jackson had a wardrobe malfunction.
This is another puzzling term for Brits because wardrobe is a big wooden cabinet - never the most elegant of things to bring along for a singing performance.
Bad British NFL commentary involves a commentary on Alabama v. Notre Dame playing "robot rugby league". The commentator is impressed that Alabama are playing a French team.
"wow a French team, good luck to them."
The commentary describes how a full back "runs a bit, catches a bit, falls over."
Another player is "caught by 83 like a dog with a Frisbee."
The commentator says Alabama’s full back "has a handkerchief in his pocket. He must have a cold but he’s pressing on regardless."
Then when some description of an official show up, the commentator says: "A man from prison has come onto the field."
Blimey, wallop, Mother Goose, crikey - it's really better if you watch it.
I heard The hunchback had a good game too.