Friday, April 1, 2011

B is for Busybodies


When Jackson attended a daycare closer to home I used to have time to drop into Starbucks. I didn't have much time but 30 minutes in the morning was a great interlude to chill with a book before work.

I like Starbucks, even though you can end up remortgaging your house to pay for a triple cherry, quadruple fluffed mattressochino if you are not careful.

I always order a small house coffee and make a beeline for the comfy chair. While Starbucks was seen as an extension of American cultural imperialism back in Britain because the company would take over all the nicest historic structures. over here it feels rather sophisticated and abstactly ethical for a chain.

However, Jackson's daycare was switched up a couple of months ago. I no longer pass Starbucks. The best I can hope for is a roadside 7-Eleven.

Now 7-Elven coffee is a strange concept. The first time I found one I was rather excited by the choices that include Colombian, Mountain Roast and a number of other exciting sounding brands.

It's only after trying them all that you come to the conclusion there's one basic flavor; and it's dessicated camel poo.

So now I am under no illusions. I am there for the caffeine fix; nothing more, nothing less.

Except the 7-Eleven I am frequenting in Suffolk has one other factor going against it, the resident busybody.

I'm moody enough knowing I'm going to work and am about to ingest camel poo. As if that weren't bad enough, this individual, a rangy middle aged employee with oversized hair, is always at the coffee counter with a rancid looking cloth in her hand, pretending to be doing something.

When I move to the left to grab a coffee pot she'll move to the left; when I move to the right, she'll move to the right. I daresay if I performed an amazing leap to the ceiling I'd find her blocking my way to the strip light.

"Oh, I'm not in your way am I?" she'll say as she again blocks my path to the stirring sticks and starts refilling them one by one with the speed of a tortiose coming out of hibernation.

"Not at all."

Of course I want to say: "Can't you sod off Doris and stack some mints somewhere else."

I don't actually know her name but if it's not Doris, it should be. That or Doreen, certainly not Paris.

Now my coffee coordination skills in the morning are not at their best as it is, mainly because I am caffeine deprived. I have to get out my notebook and draw a flow chart that links pouring to milk to lid etc. So imagine my consternation when the busybody is blocking Route One to the lids.

Yesterday she was grabbing the creamer container, mindlessly refilling it, even though it was almost full. A guy almost got into a circular kind of altercation with her as he pulled it one way and she pulled it back again.

I couldn't even dispose of my sugar wrapper down the chute without her throwing herself into my path with her manky old cloth, wiping the rim.

Note to self: Resist the urge to scream out 'please stop cleaning my hole'

I'm not sure what's with the 7-Elven busybody but I'm starting to get a complex that she lies in wait in some busybody recess and ambles over to the coffee counter as soon as she sees me getting out of my car. This is probably exess paranoia on my part but busybodies can do this to you.

I'm not sure if my definition of busybodies is the same as that of the national debate which seems to equate the term with liberals who are taking away our rights.

U.S. Senator Rand Paul’s toilets don’t work. And, he says, it’s the government’s fault, reports Bloomberg.com, for example.

This seems to relate to low energy flushes and efficient lightbulbs.

But frankly I don't care too much about that. I'd just like this infernal woman to stop getting between me and the miserable jar of coffee that might keep me awake for a couple of hours longer.

30 comments:

  1. Ah, the lovely Mrs Bouquet! You had me at the picture!

    7-Eleven busy bodies? I lived in Tokyo for 6 years, can definitely sympathise, although my locals were fun to stop by on the way home late, late,late in the evenings. A crazy crowd.

    I'm following you on your Rhyme and Reason blog btw! ;-)

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  2. Glad I didn't have a mouthful of tea with this one David, my screen would have suffered dreadfully.
    now to see if I can manage this infernal sig thing...(takes a deep breath...and...)
    Sue@traverselife

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  3. Such a shame that some people have nothing better to do than to meddle in other people's lives in such pathetic ways. Great post!

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  4. I'm so sorry about the busybody, but this is funny!!! Is there another camel poo vendor that you could frequent?

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  5. David, are you sure that that woman isn't a librul?!

    Pearl

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  6. Great photo, captured my attention immediately. And your writing style - love it.
    Karen

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  7. I think she has taken a fancy to you judging by her actions ;P ...maybe she is just plain bored with her life and looking for some break even its angry words or glares....Nice B post.
    Btw coffee without sugar and cream sucks big time...I'd rather add a muffin top than have black coffee.

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  8. Hahahaha that sounds like a terrible ordeal to go through just for coffee.

    Luckily I'm hyped enough without.

    :-P

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  9. Just as those little boys dipped the little girls pigtails in the inkwell to get her attention, I somehow think Doris is doing the same thing by continuously blocking your path.

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  10. I agree entirely with you David about Starbucks. I brew my own coffee.

    Busybodies are called kay poh chi, in our lingo.

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  11. It's almost like 7-Elven exists to give Doris a place to annoy people while thinking she's being helpful.

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  12. Oh my goodness, this was hilarious! I definitely hate that type of person, and while I object to paying $5 for a cup of coffee, I *do* like Starbucks because it's the opposite of a busybody place - you can sit for a loooong time and watch people from a distance, making up stories without actually having to interact.

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  13. Well this gave me a good case of the chuckles. Also, it made me glad that I don't drink coffee! :D

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  14. I'm not much of a morning person...ok, I'm grumpy in the morning. I would have had many murderous thoughts if that woman was in my way at the 7-11.

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  15. OK I'm using an infernal laptop which keeps losing my comments so will save as I go along, cool Talei,Toyko must have been awesome. Always like to entertain Sue, I think it works. Thanks Jeffrey and for the visit.

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  16. Indeed Word Crafter, I need my camel poo fix,thanks for stopping by; I fear she may be Pearl, she has big hair. Thanks Karen and thanks for the follo. Bloody heck, hope not Rekh, she hassles everyone. Good stuff Misha and thanks for the follow. You are right Denise, she's an attention seeker.

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  17. Thanks Grandpa, I'll remember that if ever over your way. 4 sure Tim, hope you are surviving the challenge. I'm with you there Oilfield. Absolutely Allision, Starbucks is chilled. Thanx Daisy - but good coffee is great! Me too Jennee, particularly before I've revived myself with coffee

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  18. This was brilliant. You painted a very funny picture for me but me absolute favourite bit was - Note to self: Resist the urge to scream out 'please stop cleaning my hole'

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  19. This was absolutely hysterical! Thank you! I loved the leap to the ceiling section!

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  20. Ah, the meddling busybody. We have one across the street. She calls the association on the rest of us for silly little things.

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  21. I guess there's not much to keep her interest at the 7-11. I wonder what she'd do during a robbery. Shudder.
    Fun "B" post.
    xoRobyn

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  22. I love this post. We are very similar in our humor style, you and I, and camel poo just hit the spot. So to speak. Anyway I love busybodies. So sorry you used "camel poo" for your B blog because it would make a dynamic C addition. Will be following.

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  23. Ah, the intrepid Hyacinth Bucket (er, Bouquet)... the absolute epitome of Busybody, though I don't think she'd be seen anywhere near a manky old cloth or a 7-eleven for that matter, lol

    Love this! Thank you!

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  24. Aggh...busybodies! Just ignore them.

    Ellie Garratt

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  25. tee he - always glad to amuse, Frog. Glad you liked it Tyrean and thanx for the follo; Thank for visiting Stephen...thanx Robyn, she's probably busybody the robbers into submission. Thanks for following Jeanne, am following back. Ha, you are so right e.a.s. - sure she wouldn't. Thanks for visiting Ellie.

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  26. You are hilarious. Enough said. I'm sorry you have to drink that nasty camel coffee and deal with that horrid woman. She sounds like someone who NEEDS attention. Sheesh. How incredibly awkward. Maybe next time she does that, accidentally spill something on her? Maybe that would give her the hint she needs to get out of the way. I dunno.

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  27. may also give her the excuse to fuss ass about me more. I swear she lives on the coffee counter, Jennifer

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  28. "Note to self: Resist the urge to scream out 'please stop cleaning my hole'"

    It's rather embarrassing; laughing like a 12 year-old.

    And I learned a new word I need to steal, 'manky.'

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  29. There must be some other choice for your coffee place. Dunkin Donuts? McDonald's? There's no way I could endure this every day!

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