A Nation of Bumper Stickers

In Britain you can’t always tell someone’s politics or outlook in life from a first meeting.

In America it’s easier. You just look at their car.

This morning I was parked behind a hulking great black pickup truck in the Lowe’s parking lot and I noticed a U.S. Army sticker on it. Another bumper sticker read: “Proud to be defending my religion and my gun.”

 

well who would ever dare to suggest you did?

The pickup also had a “Choose Life” sticker and a “Don’t Tread on Me” License plate featuring a rattle snake.

Immediately I formed a mental picture of the driver of this vehicle and it wasn’t as somebody who bounces through fields, patting fluffy bunnies on the heads crying out: “Ooo let’s check out the new Andy Warhol exhibition.”

I did some more research on the rattle snake license plate. Fox News, appropriately enough, states: “The Gadsden Flag, originally used by the U.S. Marine Corps during the American Revolution, was meant to represent the 13 original colonies and their battle for independence from the British monarchy. It has recently been adopted by some Tea Party groups as a message against big government.”

 

 

You won't have that many if you continue to starve them

 

Now personally I am affronted by the Tea Party's hijacking of tea because we all know the decent tea was taken east with the British withdrawal.

Last week I had to write a piece about a church in Virginia Beach and saw a car which also featured the Gadsden Flag license plate along with bumper sticker that stated: “Don’t Blame Me. I voted for Romney.”

 

I felt rather smug at the fact I was able to correctly match the congregation member to his vehicle due to his menacing side burns and general demeanor.

 

Back in the Lowe’s parking lot I saw a much smaller car bearing the stickers “I brake for turtles” and “Coexist.” I developed a very different mental picture of this car owner to that of the black pickup. Maybe I could get them together in the same room some time.

 

The other type of bumper sticker that amuses me is the achievement one. We are probably all familiar with “Proud Parent of an honor student at xx,” or “My Daughter is in the Navy.” There’s also the one about someone whose dog is brighter than your honor student. Some of these bumper stickers are so desperate it makes you feel sorry for the owner.

 

“Proud parent of student who can write her name in cursive at Western High” or “My Sister Holds Down a Job as a Janitor," comes to mind.

 

The other car adornments that amuse me are the stick families. I mean serious WTF?

 

Recently I saw one with the normal stick person format that read: “I couldn’t care less about your stick family.”

 

I mean really. So you can push out 4 kids. Give them a few more years and you’ll be telling the world how they almost made honor roll.

 

I wouldn’t say Americans wear their hearts on their sleeves, but they certainly do on the backs of their cars.