Saturday, February 27, 2016

Heard The One About the Country that Elected an Overgrown Angry Duck as President?

The other day I was waiting for a pizza in one of those places that blur into those other places where you wait for pizzas when a scrawny man with dubious hair almost pushed me across the well-trodden floor and started yelling at the girl behind the counter.

"I ordered sausage on this pizza. Can't you see there's no sausage?"

He pulled savagely at the box, almost sending the pizza flying to the floor.



The girl made the mistake of telling him she thought she had just seen a piece of sausage.

The man pulled himself up by his narrow shoulders and let her have it with both barrels, figuratively speaking. The girl hastily told him she would order another.

The man was sighing and muttering. "And how long is that going to take?"

The girl disappeared from sight at which point the man started pulling out his receipt and muttering to a bedraggled woman by his side that he'd been ripped off and would never come to this f... place again.

The exchange reminded me of the fact America seems to be rather angry right now for no real reason. Disgruntled workers shoot up their offices, people occupy federal buildings and Uber drivers commit mass murder in between picking up fares.

The great news is we finally have something we can do about it. There's a guy with a great shot at being President who can sort out all of these problems with a few swift punches to the face. Or a great big wall. It's quite awesome really. JFK taught us it helped to be handsome to be President, Reagan to be charming and Barack Obama to be an inspirational speaker. In contrast, Donald Trump looks like an oversized duck fresh out of a nuclear reactor and isn't so subtle about wanting to up shred the Constitution.

When Trump becomes President, we won't just be able to get angry with the girl in the nameless pizza place. We'll have the right to punch her in the face, and probably get a commendation if she's Islamic or Mexican along with a luxury waterboarding break at Trump Towers. Way to go America.


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