Monday, July 6, 2015

It's July - Let's Be Total Dickheads

There is something about July that seems to turn people into total dickheads. I'm not sure if it's the humidity or the almost daily rainstorms, but it  has certainly brought a dick head onto every street corner.

This weekend marked the July 4 holiday but I chose not to celebrate the liberation of British people from Americans as I was feeling rather down due to a legal bombshell, so instead engaged in some wallowing in loneliness and self pity.



I wasn't going to go out at all, but eventually wandered the mean streets of River City just before the firework display musing on how I needed to finally cleanse River City out of my system and make a new start. The fireworks, which I expected to be token and derisory were actually rather impressive. Then I saw the obligatory dickhead. I would say he was 18 and he had just lit five sparklers in his baseball hat and was running around yelling, cutting a swathe in the crowd on the sidewalk.

Clearly obligatory dickhead was not aware of the fact that sparklers cause more injuries than any other firework in the country - about 700 every July 4 and they burn at 2000 F. The obligatory dickhead's squeals of excitement quickly turned into yelps of pain but he managed to throw off his hat before the sparklers fried his gray matter - which would have taken about two seconds.

Tragically a guy called Devon Staples from Maine was not so lucky. Staples decided it would be a good idea to place a firework mortar tube on his head and launch off a firework, according to police. He died instantly. His brother, who disputed the head launching account, said there was very little of Devon left.

Another accident in Orange County, Texas could have been avoidable, methinks. A 28-year-old man called Tommie Woodward decided to ignore signs that stated "No swimming - alligators," jumped in a bayou and even yelled "blank the alligators" before the aforementioned creatures had him as a late night snack.

It should not really be necessary to point out that fireworks and alligators are inherently dangerous but maybe that's not as obvious as I thought. I know July sucks folks but please resist the temptation to be another dickhead.



12 comments:

  1. My sister and I were just talking about the idiots in Texas and Maine. You couldn't make those stories up. I hate summer in general and the endless fireworks in the neighborhood make it even more intolerable.
    I'm sorry you are dealing with a legal problem and hope it is resolved soon for you. Take care.

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    1. Thanks Julie - yes the heat sure does something to someone

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  2. There does seem to be an abundance of dickheads out and about on July 4th. The combination of explosives and usually alcohol are just not a good mix. I stayed in myself on the 4th and enjoyed watching the fireworks of around 5 or so towns going off on the mountain ridges from the comfort of my dickhead free bedroom. :)

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    1. well a dickhead free bedroom is always a good start Tracy :)

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  3. I'm sorry to hear about your legal problem too, David. If there's one thing that sends stress levels rocketing and your stomach to the pits it's a legal problem. I hope it works out for the best.

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    1. all yes in indeed Sarah - bring me a wheel barrow for all that stress

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  4. Bombshells are horrible, legal ones doubly so. Good luck!
    July 4th always brings out the DH's for sure!

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    1. thanks so much Yolanda - you are right

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  5. Hope your legal matter works out in your favour, David. I was wondering how many people were injured in sparkler "accidents", so am glad I read your post today.

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    1. cheers Lily - Glad to be of help with sparkler stats..

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  6. There is never a shortage of nominees for the Darwin award. The older I get, the more I avoid public gatherings and celebrations of any kind.
    Yes, I am that weird neighbor who seldom leaves the house and always has the curtains closed.

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    1. the best kind of neighbor Li - hope you are doing well

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