I can't say I was dragged kicking and screaming into the movie theater to see Fifty Shades of Grey on Valentine's Day but nor was I oozing enthusiasm - not that oozing anything is ever particularly pleasant.
Exactly one hour and five minutes into the movie it was going all fuzzy and indistinct. About five minutes later G nudged me to say I was snoring and the woman next to her was funding it funny. I said I was rather glad she was able to get a laugh out of the movie because generally speaking it was uninspiring stuff, although it left me wondering about new uses for my Kohls ties.
At least I went into the theater forewarned by reading reviews - all of them which said the movie was dire. I actually emerged into the chilly sunshine remarking that the movie was not as bad as I had imagined it would be. Even so it was up there with the average kind of fare you watch on Lifetime TV and made me want to go and find somewhere to watch Birdman or Boyhood.
For anyone who has been living under a rock for the last few years Fifty Shades of Grey is a series of novels written by the English author E.L James about two people who do various things with nipple clamps, toilet brushes and drain cleaner - I may be a bit off about that as I haven't read a single page - but you get the drift.
Sebastian Grey is one of those creepy sleazeballs who takes his first dates on a helicopter ride and gives them new Audis as love presents. To be honest I'd be fine with the Audi love present thing but guess I just need to be content with a used coffee table.
The coffee table comparison is quite apt because the Grey actor perfects the art of wooden in this film, although I had a bit more time for Anastasia Steele, notwithstanding her dumb soap opera name.
Fifty Shades of Grey made about $81 million in its first weekend. The bad news is the whole saga will be drawn out over three movies. I can't recall when kinky sex was last so boring. Maybe I'm just at that age..