I have an invite to a soiree over at the Civic League this weekend so am desperately hunting for a party piece to make me relevant again.
It seems twerking is all the rage, in that I have been hearing rather a lot over the last couple of weeks. Maybe I can get lessons in time to knock over some fine bone china with my rear end on Saturday night.
Seriously, though, I feel bad writing about twerking. I've come to the party so late that the empty bottles are being thrown out and the garbage truck cometh.
So apparently twerking is where a persona "usually a woman is shakng her hips in an up and down bouncing mtion, causing the dancer to shake, wobble and jiggle."
Sounds a trifle rude if you ask me...
It is practiced primarily in poor, black areas, which doesn't adequately explain why it has been made famous by Miley Cyrus, a rich white girl.
Miley Cyrus' sexually suggestive twerking performance at the VMAs caused widespread outrage across the media, maybe due to the fact it's less heavy than Syria. If reports are to be believed, even the maker of the giant hand she was sporting, has criticized her.
The sort of subtext here is Miley was a Disney girl, who influenced lots of small kids, and she's now gyrating her hips suggestively with her tongue out. And Disney girls don't do that sort of thing - right Britney and Christina.
As someone with a daughter who grew up sporting a Hannah Montana wig spouting the Best of Both Worlds, this does not bother me really - namely because I thought Miley was a talentless publicity seeker then as now.
Also America always seems to get so uptight about this kind of thing, as demonstrated by Janet Jackson's Nipplegate scandal at the Super Bowl.
Miley's just doing what Madonna and Lady Gaga did before her, only with less talent. The worst aspect of this is she seems to have propelled the word 'twerking' into the Oxford dictionary, along with selfie and FOMO, although red lines still appear on all of these words on my retro spell check.
FOMO is fear of missing out - like when you realize everyone is going on about a phrase such as twerking and feel obliged to blog about it two weeks later.