It's probably the nature of odd people that you can encounter them at the most unexpected time. I could cope better, I feel, if some guy jumped out of the trees with a bid Odd Person Alert placard so as I knew what to expect beforehand. It doesn't seem to happen, though.
Earlier this week I took my daughter camping. It wasn't really out of any love of camping given my recent experience of deflating air mattresses and cicadas the size of nuclear reactor rabbits. But it was better than another 5 day working week.
In reality this meant being dragged to a playground at 7.20 a.m. and forced to sit on a see saw in a decaffeinated state that was bound to result in abject grouchiness.
I ambled over to the toilet block for the hell of it and encountered a large, glassy eyed woman near the entrance. Fortunately, she didn't seem to notice me. Like I said her eyes were glassy.
Instead she was having a conversation with a man inside the men's room.
"Frank. Aw Frank," she drawled in an accent that sounded a bit like she was from New York. "We've lost the bag of souvenirs. Did ya hear me Frank? All of the souvenirs have gone."
I felt like interjecting at this point to mention a large Souvenir Snake had been recently spotted in the vicinity and was last seen heading west with an "I love Scranton" T shirt in its mouth. I decided not to speak up.
Frank was heard muttering something inaudible in the shower.
"Ayee Frank. I can' believe it Frank. All of those souvenirs. Everything gone. Frank - the bag's gone," she wailed. "Everything gone. The souvenirs, Frank. Oh God, no."
Frank muttered again and her voice returned like the wail of rockets.
"Waa waa Frank. What the hell can I do. I don't know what to do."
To my amazement the woman was actually weeping. I felt like suggesting she go and watch some videos of the victims of a chemical weapons attack in Syria.
Frank continued to mutter. He may even have broken wind and finally she went away.
Then I heard him mutter the word "shit," over and over.
I walked away thinking I might have bags under my eyes and be facing a morning of paddle boat and crazy golf blackmail. But I was blissfully happy in the knowledge I was not Frank.