Friday, September 14, 2012

The Day My Dutch Rabbit Mistook The Postman's Foot For A Love Partner

Good lord. Of course I never intended to blog about this. But then I thought....

1 - Do I want to be seen as someone who doesn't live up to their word?

2 - I am clueless about my next blog post.

The thing is people have the wrong idea about rabbits. They talk about fluffy bunnies and lop eared Belgium bunnies without realising they are talking a lot of Belgium waffle.



Rabbits are pure evil. Always have been. Always will be. Yet they don't get the bad rap they deserve. Spiders are always getting horror flicks made about them. Rabbits have to make do with Donnie Darko and Harvey the disappearing white rabbit. When did you last see a film about a 30 foot tall rabbit terrorising small town America?

When I was a teenager we had rabbits for while. Dandelion was purchased and Blackberry was found in a garden after a monumental chase in which he almost broke my arm off. He was a big bugger, although in many ways his temperament was less suspect than Dandelion's.

To set the record straight Dandelion did not mistake the postman's foot for a love object. He was premeditated. He seemed to be that the foot was indeed a foot and it included a show but he had a go anyhow. Again and again. The postman took to throwing mail over the hedge as 9 a.m. (or any time really) is too early for a near death sexual experience with a rabbit.

When it wasn't the hapless postie Dandelion had a go with Blackberry or next door's cat.

The woman next door was a particularly bad tempered specimen of humanity who would tut at his antics over the fence. We got her to feed him once when we were on holiday. As if sensing her disapproval of his sexual antics he bit half of her finger off.

As any Australian worth a XXXX, not to mention the harassed posties will know, rabbits are bad news for shoes. They also breed like ...

Stick to a normal sort of pet people...




16 comments:

  1. David, I also had bunnies as a child. Not as pets. My mom raised and showed them. However, I always attributed the evil gene to hamsters. Those we had as pets and my hamster was evil. She would sneak into the hutch and eat the faces off of the newborn babies. Now I think hamsters are evil. Sorry that your childhood bunnies were different than mine! Ours were quite plush.

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    1. wow - I never knew hamsters were so evil, thanks for the visit Me

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  2. I never knew rabbits had such an alter ego. I've only known the fuzzy, cuddly kind. I shall now take heed should I see a rabbit eyeing my shoes the wrong way!
    :-)

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    1. yees ValleyWriter - if they make eyes for your shoes you need to get out of Dodge fast.

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  3. Aw bunnies are so cute and sweet though! lol

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    1. I know JoJo - but appearances can be deceptive.

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  4. Ahahahahaha! David, this post is hilarious. I was laughing all the way through it. Thanks, this made my day! When it comes to evil bunnies, though, don't forget about the rabbit of Monty Python's Holy Grail. Also, when you get a chance, you should look up "Night of the Lepus" on Youtube. Ahahahaha!
    Here's a trailer.
    Have a good weekend! :-)

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    1. that's great Daisy - did see it back in the day but I had forgotten

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  5. Loved this post David. I used to love cute fluffy rabbits as a kid till I owned Starsky and Hutch. As terrifying a pair of rabbits as you could ever meet. I stick to looking at rabbits in the wild now, less stressful/bitey/scary. :)

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  6. I'm imagining your rabbit as a really big one who secretly wished he had a moustache he could twirl and a more bad-ass name than Dandelion.

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    1. yep Starla - I have to admit that name is somewhat less than badass.

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  7. Ahh but they are so cute. Things that are cute tend to get away with a lot.

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    1. so clearly I can't convince you rabbits as evil and nasty, Jen.

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