The latest guest blog I'm featuring A Daft Scots Lass is not for the faint hearted. The f word is sprinkled about like confetti after a wedding. Reminds me a bit of those on the edge nights in a Glasgow pub. I thought I'd use this one rather than the one about the dying of public hair. Keep those guest blogs coming....
I dreamt I was dueling with an alligator's tail. He was a fekkin monster, thrashing his tail and bearing his teeth, making growling noises and spitting at me (I don't think aligators can spit but its MY dream remember).
Nevertheless, I had the manoevers and grace of a professional fencer - advance lunging all over the place and swishing my impressive blade in Ballestra. Oh yes, I was on top form...
After a lengthy struggle with the hideous beast who was now foaming at the mouth, I gave him the Prise de Fer and lobbed his tail right off with one swift chop! He ran away like cowardly lizard that's just lost his tail (somehow, I don't think aligators tails grow back) but I managed to run after him and finish him off. I pounded my sword into his leather like skin over and over to make sure he was completely defeated (quite horrific, if I think about it now)
But in my dream I was jubilant with a HUGE smile plastered on my face!
The huge alligator just lay there, still and quiet and I started jumping up and down with my hands in the air, like I had just won a gold medal at the olympics. I was full of joy and was whooping triumphantly. I took a picture of the dead alligator with my cellphone to share on my blog (I even blog in my dreams).
Now comes the bizarre bit...I decided to skin the alligator and chop him up tiny cubes. Skinning the alligator was easy (in my dreams) I peeled that Bastid like a fucking banana. Then, I used his skin to make a killer pair of Hooker Heels and matching clutch bag. Bonus!
I used the cubes of meat to make an enormous pot a bubbling alligator stew and sold it at the local fair wearing my new heels and clutch bag!
With the left-overs I made alligator kebabs and stored them in my freezer.
Am I a sick puppy or what???