Thursday, December 2, 2010

On dead grandmothers and foul smelling fruit...

If, like me, you are already thinking of Christmas with the extended family with three quarters dread and the other quarter terror, you might want to consider some culinary alternatives to the big old bird.

0h grandmother is not coming over this Christmas I heard you say.

Well if either of mine did I’d be out of the house in a flash as they passed away a few years ago.

But Christmases usually invoke some kind of malingering hanger on; picture good old Uncle Albert sitting there in the arm chair, a glass of your most expensive port in one hand, holding court about politics and farting like a steam train.

Yes I do love Christmas and that feeling of gut filled apathy that one gets by 3 p.m. when the presents have been opened hours ago, they were as pathetic and useless as you thought they would be, and you are popping the coffee creams to dull the pain of the whole affair.

Anyhow this year I am considering spicing up Christmas by decking the house with durian fruit.

For the uninitiated durian fruit is living proof that God has a sense of humor. It has a spiky exterior, a gunky middle and is described as having an odor comparable to a dumpster full of rotting fruit, although it tastes a bit worse than that.

Let’s just say Andrew Zimmern, a man who will readily eat rotting meat in Morocco, cow’s brains and fried tarantula, couldn't stomach a durian in Thailand.

Anthony Bourdain, an admitted fan of the fruit, described it in less-than-inspiring terms when he ate it on No Reservations: “Its taste can only be described as… indescribable, something you will either love or despise… Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother.”

Oh dear we are back to dead grandmothers.

Anyway I am thinking about giving the extended family something to savor, or at least something I can savor – the look on their faces when I pull my durian special out of the oven instead of a turkey.


http://www.avclub.com/articles/durian-fruit,38702/

21 comments:

  1. Wow...Anthony Bourdain...I can't stand his show...lol And I say go for your Durian special!

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  2. My friend ordered a durian shake at a vietnamese restaurant and I had to take a sip. OMG...for a split second it tasted like custard...then after that second was up, it tasted like rotting custard. I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth...

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  3. It's funny, I give a reading assessment to my students during the first week of school. The first passage is about the durian. The kids think I made it up, always a fun conversation to begin a new school year.

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  4. Oh, so that's what you Christians use to make fruitcake? :)
    xoRobyn

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  5. HA HA HA! Sounds like Christmas is going to be fun at your house this year. I've never heard of this fruit. It looks kind of like a porcupine on the outside. :D

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  6. Heh heh, that's mean, but what fun. I think I know where I can get one ;) hope you don't mind if I pinch your idea.

    I like Tim's idea.

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  7. I will now have to go and try one!

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  8. I'd rather kiss a dead grandmother than eat and have to swallow that kind of yuk. Good luck decorating the house this year!!! :O)

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  9. Hi Yakoi; really. I love Anthony Bourdain. Thanks Marnie, I am yet to have the pleasure, may put it off for a few decades more. Thanks Tim, sounds like a good entre. Yep Robyn, always avoid Christian fruitcake. Christmas is always fun-ish at my house Daisy. Go ahead Sue and thanks for the follo. I'd say it's rude not to Lydia. Thanx Diane, sounds about as pleasant as your nose thingy.

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  10. Here's what to do David, make 2 turkeys. 1 stuffed with something tasty for the relatives you like and 1 stuffed with durian fruit for old uncle farty pants and the others who give you shitty presents.

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  11. Looks a lot like Jackfruit.I saw AB taste this fruit in a Thai fruit stall in No Reservations.

    Hi David !I am taking a break from blogger ,will be back as soon as possible.Take care.Regards.

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  12. Pretends to be a Jack fruit and looks like Jackie Chan in the Myth on the inside....enjoy your foul smelling Christmas...foolproof way to drive out intolerable relatives and pesky neighbours... :D
    Thanks for passing by and commenting...appreciated ...interesting/different blog you have here...Happy weekend....

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  13. oh - do you like durian fruit Olga? Not a bad idea Ryan but I do have a lot of uncle farty pantses - Thanks Kavita, good luck, will miss your postings. Thanks so much for your comments Rek and for the follo.

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  14. Haha, I really enjoyed this post!
    I've never heard of this fruit.
    I will now have to go and try one.

    B

    Plus: I had to rewrite my recent post...in my sentences I omitted some words-due to the rush-
    which are necessary to complete the meaning.
    So, I'm sorry for that.

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  15. glad you liked it Betty - oops, I didn't notice. Maybe I concentrated more on the pix.

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  16. Oh man! Why would anyone try this a second time??

    I am looking forward to Christmas like a woman looks forward to her yearly pelvic.

    Your writings are making me laugh! I'm going to poke around here and see what else is going on.

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  17. yes, that doesn't sound too much like fun, Deborah. Thanks for the comments, oh and the follo. you may find a few funny moments...

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  18. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled for that one. Well, actually I'll probably smell it. Always up for new experiences though, even if they may make me vomit.

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  19. well I don't think you'll stumble across it in FarmFresh - fortunately.

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